don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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