Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
