I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
