Even the bartender felt bad for me
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
