drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The best revenge is premature balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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