Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
