I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize