I CAN MOONWALK!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize