apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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