I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
