he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
