you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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