Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm getting married
To pizza
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
