so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
