Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
