the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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