im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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