I'm really into asian looking animals
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
