Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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