hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
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Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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