The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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