Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
