One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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