Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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