I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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