Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
