if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
