I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
