Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
