Duck Duck Cougar?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
