If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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