my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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