Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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