thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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