We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
