I just pynch a tree in the face
home. puking in laundry basket.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
