I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
