bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
