If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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