I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
