so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
