I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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