I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
