I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
