bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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