I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Couch. On fire.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
