Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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