he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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