I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize