Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We are all done wearing pants today
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
