We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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