Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
