k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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