Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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