Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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