just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize