Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
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