his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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